“I would get too attached.”
Something that I have heard numerous times since being on this roller coaster ride of fostering. While I do know that God has different callings for different people, there is also the knowing that we had once made that same excuse. Afraid to have our own hearts laid bare and opened to pain.
It was when we (Dear Husband and I) FINALLY moved forward in obedience that God revealed more of himself to us.
These are just a few of the Lords characteristics that have been revealed to us in the last few years of caring for children from hard places.
“Too attached”… Yes, that I can promise happens… These are my children for however long they are with me. One night or more. For those moments in time our paths are crossed and I am their “Momma.” I love them with fierce abandon. I pray over them. I laugh and cry with them. I pray and wonder about their futures. On my list of “Hardest things in my life” is to care for children the way I described above and then have them leave to be cared for by someone else. My heart will break. It will hurt. I will cry.
To hold on fiercely and loosely at the same time is not a thing that I have mastered…
BUT OH FOR THE GRACE OF GOD
I am able to “go on with life” once they leave, however, I am changed and will never be the same. I trust God that we followed in obedience and stepped where he told us to step for that season. That is our ongoing prayer, to step in obedience with each season we are in. Honestly, it has not been “easy” following in obedience. There has been many tears shed and anxiety over things that I can not control, and that is where God has been working on me. To trust that he is absolutely in control. I don’t have to be. I can lay that down. I can surrender to his wise sovereignty. He loves these children more than I can fathom and in his wise sovereignty he has their forever written by his hands.
No matter what name they have he calls them HIS.
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.” Isaiah 43:2
I have found that anything worth something has come from stepping out of our comfort zone. There has been many blessings that have ONLY come about by following in obedience to Gods prompting.
“Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.” Psalm 119:105
A lamp to my feet, so I can only see the very next step and not the whole path. If I could see the whole path it would either make me stop in fear or run ahead, missing what HE wants me to see and learn on the journey.
So as God is redefining himself to me through every child he has placed in my home, I will continue to seek HIS strength to sustain me as I learn continued obedience and how to be broken with grace.